Category Archives: Rest

More Than a Sparrow

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imageI am notoriously a poor sleeper. I’ve often said that being on call for so many years and having to jump out of bed to go deliver a baby, ruined my sleep pattern forever. But I think it is more than just that. Sometimes my mind stays active and I just cannot turn off my thoughts long enough to go to sleep. I know many people who have this same problem. I realize that this is anxiety but it’s difficult to just relax and let go of the worries of the day. The more I try, the more the thoughts circle in my head. I pray to not worry and I am better for a time, then I have another night like last night with no sleep again.

I know that Jesus said to not worry about anything. The Father takes care of even the sparrows. But Lord, you gave me a mind that thinks much more than the sparrow. It ruminates on every bad thing that has happened and magnifies what might happen in the future. Memory can be used in helpful as well as hurtful ways. If I chose to remember all that God has done for me, then I am grateful. If I chose to recall how the Lord has walked with me through the valley of the shadow of death but also along good, fruitful paths, I am comforted and confident in the future. But if I focus on the negative in my life, the circle of worry begins again.

This ability to remember and reason are solely human traits. Some animals can do this but only in very rudimentary, basic ways. The human mind is an amazing organ, better than any computer invented. If such a computer was ever made that performed up to the mind’s standard, it would be done only because God gave us the mind to do it and instilled in us His creative force. The mind is powerful but yet it can also torment us and hold us down with fear and remorse. Animals can fear but we humans take fear to a new level by fearing things we have never experienced and likely never will. We are able to extrapolate the tragedies that have befallen others as if they have happened to us. This is empathy and is an offshoot of compassion but taken to an extreme, it can be debilitating. Our information age with news reports 24/7 can promote anxiety and fear if we fail to turn it off.

Using our mind as a transformational tool is the key. Our mind controls our habits. Any good or bad habit is formed in the mind first. Change your thoughts and your actions will naturally follow. The Apostle Paul encouraged his readers, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Through human will and God’s power, this can happen. I have seen amazing things occur when will and power move in concert with each other. Those who have gone through the 12 steps of AA can attest to this. Transform the mind and actions will be conformed to your thoughts.

Ah, Lord…so do your work in me. Hold my thoughts captive. Tonight give me rest, not just through my will but though your endless power. Your eye is on the sparrow. How much more than do you watch after me.

Amen!

Almost Heaven

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imageOn this Good Friday, I’m celebrating Holy Week on the way toward Easter. But I’m also longing for spring break.  This is my last work day before vacation. Yah! I’ve only taken off a day here and there since I travelled to visit Garrett at Fort Rucker last fall.  I’m ready for a full week away from work. Tim needs a break even more. He has not been off work for a whole week of vacation since last summer. It’s good to have a chunk of time off, not bits and pieces, to decompress. It used to take me 3 full days away from work to relax.  It’s better for me now since I’m not so pressured as in the past. I am generally able to let things go in just a day.  I also find that it is better for me to go away rather than vacation at home.  Sometimes home projects feel like work and it’s difficult to overlook them and relax when you see them before you. 

To get away and create each day anew without any time pressure is wonderful. We all need this on a regular basis to free our souls. It’s like taking off the heavy coat of winter to be released from the heaviness of responsibility for a little while. Not that we are totally irresponsible for ourselves and others in our care. But we are free to just “be.” I love to wake up and say, “What am I going to do today?” without someone else already having a schedule made for me. I can try new things even just for a few days. I can sit and read a book if I want or indulge in a long conversation. I can lay in bed with my best friend as long as we want (unless of course, we have kids with us on vacation).

Relax…breathe…take in creation. Much of my ideal vacation is spent outdoors in fresh air. After this long winter, this will be a God-send to be in the mountains again. West Virginia is “almost heaven,” as John Denver sang so long ago. I agree. It is breathtakingly beautiful. But it’s also devastatingly poor in many areas. The place we go to ride our dirt bikes is in coal country and there is a high rate of unemployment. But while we vacation and have fun, we will spend money on food, fuel, housing, and crafts. We each pay a fee to ride on the Hatfield-McCoy trails. We help the local economy and in turn, this allows the local people to have a better existence. In this way, I share my wealth by spending it. It’s another way of giving-buying from local businesses, not the big chain stores. If we all were intentional in doing this, there would be less need for welfare and unemployment. The only genuine way that poverty is overcome is when we help others help themselves.

This doesn’t just apply to when we travel, but should be the way we spend at home. I admit that since I work in the city, I often shop in the city. But Tim and I have been intentionally trying to spend more in our local area of Sheridan. We buy some of our groceries at the IGA in town and stop by the hardware store for some of our project supplies. We have great restaurants in town that we frequent. We often see people we know from our church or their kids working in these establishments. We help Sheridan have a better economy and the people have a better life by spending locally.

Well, I must stop dreaming and get ready for the day. Today will be a good day at work but tomorrow promises to offer much-needed relaxation and a little bit of heaven. I’m ready!

 

Sabbath Rest

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imageWednesday-day of rest, day of peace. Wednesday I’m out of the office. I have so much to do to get ready for Christmas but my soul needs rest.  The Lord knew we needed Sabbath.  A day of rest is not a mandate, it is a gift.  How often I do not accept this gift.  My Sabbath is caught in little bits of time set aside for contemplation, writing and prayer.  Often Wednesday mornings, even though I could sleep in, I don’t.  I get up for my breakfast and coffee.  I read a chapter of scripture and write.  If I truly want rest for my soul, I don’t check emails or Facebook.  That’s difficult sometimes.

We live in a culture that’s on the go constantly.  Our schedules are packed to the brim and overflowing.  I’m used to a schedule of 15 minute increments moving from room to room seeing patients.  This puts me in a constant state of anticipating what’s next.  I’m sure I’m not the only one on this treadmill.  I envy my friends who have retired and now set their own schedules.  I wonder sometimes if I will be bored with retirement since I am used to so much activity.  Somehow I think my retirement time will be full as well.

So how do we step out of this craziness?  I believe we do it one choice at a time.  We choose to make our schedules overly busy.  Granted some things are out of our control, but if we really look closely, many choices are ours.  I remember a particularly hectic early morning when my kids were still little.  Their dad was off to the airport to travel out of the country for his job and I had just had a call from labor and delivery that my patient was ready to start pushing.  We had to call Dan’s mom to come over to watch the kids since we both had to leave the same time.  It was 4 am!  I looked at Dan and said, “Something has to change!  Either you quit your job or I quit mine.  We can’t make a habit of doing this.”  This was an epiphany of sorts.  It wasn’t long after this that things began to change.  Dan quit his job to start his own business and I gave up OB.  Both of these choices kept us home much more.  Our lives were still super busy but not crazy busy.  There is a difference.

When my patients tell me that they can’t slow down, I give them this personal example.  Yes, everyone can slow down and set aside some Sabbath time if they choose.  Everyone has areas in their life in which they just need to say “NO”.  If we say “yes” to every request and activity, we are no good in any of them.  My first step in this direction was when I came to the realization that I don’t need to do it all.  I thought as a physician that I needed to see patients in the office, in the hospital, in the nursing home, deliver babies and try to be Super Mom.  I tried this for a while.  Believe me, it doesn’t work.  I loved my OB patients and I delivered babies for the first 10 years of practice.  But cutting this out made a huge difference.  Now if I said I was going to be somewhere, I didn’t have to worry that I would be called out.  I rarely had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night anymore.

So why did I keep doing this for 10 years?  Was it pride or was it guilt that if I didn’t do it all, I wasn’t good enough?  Maybe it was a bit of both.  But either way, thinking we must “do it all”, whatever that means to each of us, is a falsehood.  We need to just get rid of that thought right now.  Take an inventory of all your activities.  Do this with your kids activities too.  Which ones need to stay and which ones need to go?  Usually those activities that enhance relationships are keepers.  Simplify Christmas too.  Everything does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.  I need to keep telling myself this over and over.  It’s Jesus birthday.  I bet it wasn’t Mary’s idea to deliver him in a stable.  Do I need to say more?

Sabbath rest does not have to be on a Sunday but it does have to be a choice.  Soul rest is just as important as a good night’s sleep.  Now take a deep breath and find your Sabbath.