Leaving Room in My Garden

Posted on May 10, 2014 by Suzanne Montgomery

One of the things I love best about spring is the opportunity to eat breakfast out in my back flower garden. It’s still cool early in the morning before my day starts but the days are longer so the sun is up. The birds are back and their singing is music to my ears . They love this time of day!

My garden is wild and rambling. It’s often difficult to keep it under control. I have wildflowers planted within the same beds as the perennials. Many of the plants I have would like to takeover and push out the others. I have one big leafed plant given to me by my uncle Richard that I believe is hyssop. I fight with it constantly. Every year now I cut the tops off before these plants bloom to prevent them from spreading further. The roots are too deep to dig out completely.

Anymore, I find that rather than pulling out weeds, I am thinning out these invasive perennials. Some like the Hyssop, I wish I had never allowed in my garden in the first place. If left alone, this one plant would dominate my whole flower bed and I would have nothing else to enjoy. This would be very boring indeed. So I pull out what some would call “good” so I can have a beautiful, varied garden that has different blooming plants all summer. It’s a constant job but well worth the effort.

I could apply this same principle to my life. Often I’m pulling up what appears to be “good” to have “better.” What does it take to not let one good thing invade my whole being? It takes partially uprooting my old life to move on to better.

On May 1st it was the one year anniversary of my new job with IU Health and it’s been a satisfying year. I was literally pushed out of my old job by an intolerable situation and extreme stress. The harder I worked to make it right, the worse it became. God opened a door, giving me the opportunity to leave for a position still practicing medicine but for fewer hours and at a much more relaxed pace.

A year ago, I walked through that door and had to decide what to do with the extra time I suddenly had before me. I had been so overwhelmed with medical work that I literally had to force other activities into my schedule. I was exhausted all the time and not worth much to myself or others. It was painful to leave my old patients since many of them had become like family to me. I know they must have felt the loss as much as I did. But I had come to a time that it was necessary to pull up the good to have a better life. Nothing was inherently bad about what I was doing previously. I don’t regret my past work but it became too much of the same thing. It crowded out other parts of me that needed to bloom.

Since that time, I have been able to read more and develop my passion for writing. I’ve had more time to spend with others and deepen those relationships. I have space to add activities that would have been impossible to fit in before. I can be tempted to fill in this extra space with one activity after another and end up in the same place I was a year ago. If I say yes to everything, then I will be on the go all the time and not have space for quiet.

Everyone needs quiet space away from the noise and busyness of everyday life. Even Jesus did. He often retreated to a quiet place to pray. My garden is that quiet place. But even here, it can be difficult to quiet the mind. I need to just listen for a while without thinking of everything else that needs to be done. I need to leave space for Jesus. He desires a relationship much more than works. I can go, go , go, doing and saying the right things but it I don’t spend time building a relationship with Jesus then I have missed the whole point.

It’s much like the situation of Mary and Martha in the Bible. Both of them were deeply loved by Jesus and they each loved Him too. But Martha was caught up in “doing.” Mary knew how to just “be” with Jesus. She chose the better thing. I need to cultivate “being” with Him in my garden. My life is much more conducive to quiet time now. But I have to learn how to shut off my mind from having a constant banter of thoughts. I pray for Jesus to help me learn the art of quietness of spirit so I can know Him intimately as He desires to be known.

Thy Will Be Done

Posted on April 3, 2014 by Suzanne Montgomery

After the disciples asked Jesus how they should pray, He gave them what we now call “The Lord’s Prayer” as a model. I doubt that Jesus meant us to recite this prayer verbatim but this is what’s done in many Christian churches every Sunday during worship. If you are like me, I’ve repeated this prayer in unison with other believers so many times that I have to consciously think about the words as I say them. The words can be profound if we really contemplate their meaning. When I pray, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” I am taken aback by the magnitude of what I am actually requesting. Am I truly open and willing to allow this to become a reality?

Allowing God’s will to reign on earth necessitates that our individual wills are relinquished and made secondary to His. This is counter-cultural in a world where individualism is actively promoted from infancy. Society teaches us to be “Me” focused rather than “We” focused. Inherent in this way of thinking is the need to be in control. Opening ourselves to God’s will, means letting go of this control. There is an old saying that captures what must happen for this to occur. “If God is your co-pilot, then change seats!”

I will be the first to admit that I want to be the chief pilot of my life. My parents will attest to this. As a small child, whatever we were doing, I would say, “I want to do it myself.” It didn’t matter if I was too small, I wanted to try anyway. I wonder sometimes if God looks at me as my parents would and says, “I really could help you with that, but if you insist, go ahead and try it your way first.” How much grief would I have saved myself if I had listened to my parents and to God first? Isn’t it human nature to have to learn things the hard way?

The need for control is an area I’m sure that I will struggle my whole earthly life to overcome. I have the desire to let go of control but then the micromanager in me comes forth to defeat my efforts. The times have been few when I have been able with God’s help to calm my inner controller and submit to His direction. No one really likes the word “submit” but that is really what has to happen for God’s will to be done in my life. I have to clear out my agenda and ask God an open-ended question: “What do You want me to do, Lord?”

Now I will warn you that it is very dangerous when you ask God this question and truly mean it. He will send something or someone your way that is absolutely amazing and generally completely out of your comfort zone. You must be ready to respond at a moments notice. The opportunity God places before you may pass if you don’t act quickly. I recall many lost choices over the years that I know were “God opportunities”, but I let them pass me by. I remember the invitation I turned down years ago to join a medical ministry in Jamaica led by a doctor and his wife who happened to be staying in the same Bed and Breakfast as my husband and I while we were vacationing in Kingston. I will never forget the chance given me by Padre Carollo to adopt an Ecuadorean orphan but I just didn’t think I could do it at that time in my life. Where would I be now if I had acted on these gifts placed before me?

Over my lifetime, I have said “no” to God’s direction many more times than I have said “yes” to Him. The wonder of it all is that God doesn’t give up on me. He continues to place His opportunities in front of me. As the Lord says in Jeremiah, “I know the plans I have for you.” He knows where He wants me to be and has given me the talents and patience for the tasks at hand. His plans are always perfect. They are for my benefit as well as the benefit of all those around me. When I have made the decision to say “thy will, not mine, be done,” phenomenal things have happened. When God placed people in my pathway who led me to Shadrach, a great adventure began that I would never have imagined on my own. I was definitely pushed out of my comfort zone but God was with me all the way. I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.

Often I hear people say that they aren’t sure what God’s will is for their life so they don’t know what direction to move. I believe they will find their answer if they simply move forward in faith with what they do know. God will be faithful to reveal to them their direction as they need it. In my experience, God is continually throwing opportunity in my path and it is up to me whether to respond or not. The key is to keep trying your best to live a life of grace and love right where you are and be open to God’s Spirit. His will then has the opportunity to intersect with yours and something beautiful will be created. But you must have the courage to say yes.

These opportunities to do God’s will, most of the time will be small tasks. He may ask of you to offer a kind word or a smile to a stranger, a visit to a shut-in, or a meal for a homeless person. If you have eyes to see and ears to hear, you will recognize God working all around you and you can join in His work. This is God’s will. As it says in the book of Micah, “What does the Lord require of you but to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.” So every day be faithful in the small tasks. Someday God may ask you to work with Him on a large task. When Cori Tenboom and her family humbly worked in their clock shop in Holland, faithfully following God’s will in their lives, they were suddenly asked to step out for a large and dangerous task. They hid their Jewish friends and neighbors to save them from the invading Nazi’s. They risked their lives being obedient to God and eventually Cori, her father and her sister were sent to the concentration camps. Cori was the only survivor. Her story is chronicled in her book, “The Hiding Place.” Day by day, Cori and her family led lives of love and grace. When God’s call came to hide Jews in their home, they were ready to answer “yes” to Him.

Most of us will never be asked to risk as much as Cori Tenboom to carry out God’s will in our lives. But you never know what the future may hold. Be faithful in the little opportunities put in your pathway to show mercy, to act justly and to partner with God in His work. In this way, God’s will is truly accomplished on earth in every small act of love shown through the lives of each and every believer.

Redefining Womanhood

Posted on February 28, 2014 by Suzanne Montgomery

I grew up during the time period when women’s rights came of age. I graduated from high school in 1976 and opportunities were just opening up for females in male dominated fields. It had not been long before that people joked about women going to college to get their “MRS” degree. When I first began talking about going to med school, I’m not sure anyone really took me seriously. Even after I was accepted into Indiana University School of Medicine, my grandmother kept referring to me going to nursing school. At that time med school was still primarily a male domain and I don’t think it registered with her that this was even a possibility for me. During my interview with IU, I was asked how long I planned to practice medicine and if I would continue after I had children. This type of questioning would be frowned upon now but in the late 70’s, it was the norm.

When I started in medical school, it was expected that the females would emulate their male counterparts. Our femininity was set aside to be able to compete with our peers. Accepted behavior was to remain detached from our patients and to not let our emotions show. It was stoic paternalism at its worst. It wasn’t long before all of the students, females and males, began to question this among ourselves. When one of the patients cared for by my team at the VA, who was only in his 30’s, died of a viral cardiomyopathy that destroyed his heart, we were all devastated. We had become quite attached to him since he had been in the ICU for over a month under our care. On the night he died we were on duty and every single one of us cried at the loss. How could we not?

Staying detached really became impossible after I graduated and began seeing patients in our Family Medicine resident’s clinic. As I saw these patients regularly over that 3 year period, I enjoyed learning about their families. They would tell me stories of their lives. I delivered their babies and shared in their joys as well as their losses. I became attached to them as much as they did to me. I came to realize that my femininity was actually an asset, not a liability as I had been brainwashed into believing in med school. A sense of nurturing and caregiving was absolutely necessary in primary care, not characteristics to be shunned. The assumption of my mentors in medical school was that we had to remain detached from our patients so we could make objective decisions for them. I would contend that if I remained detached, I really would not know my patients and it would be impossible for me make informed, objective decisions with them. You might note that I used the word “with” not “for” my patients. So much has shifted in the thinking about the doctor/patient relationship over the last 30 years. We now talk of mutual decision making by both the physician and the patient. Women physicians were doing this all along because this was how we communicated with our patients in the first place.

It took me some time to break out of the mold defined for me in the world of Medicine when I first began this career. It was an epiphany when I came to realize that what I brought to the table by the very fact that I was a woman was good and that I should not be ashamed of myself in any way. I believe many women of my generation went through this same process of redefining their womanhood. Yes, we stepped into man’s domain but we did’t have to become like men to succeed in it. We just needed to be ourselves. We enhance our careers by bringing a feminine way of thinking into them. We don’t need to dominate over the men in our chosen fields but we need to add to the mix an insight that only women can. We only ask for acknowledgement that we are capable, not by turning ourselves into men but by being the women we were meant to be.

Unfortunately I see a different kind of confusion about womanhood in the young women of today. Whereas my generation erred by trying to remake ourselves into our male counterparts, many of the millennials present themselves as overly feminine in a sensual way. They dress in scanty, revealing clothing in the name of fashion. Whereas we tried to move away from women being seen as sex objects, the present generation seems to not realize that their actions move us back into this mindset.

How can we find a middle ground? I believe the solution is for women, young and old, to be confident in who we are. We need to stop trying to be people that we are not. We must embrace real womanhood, not hiding behind a facade created to please society. Women bring beauty and softness to the world. We are a nurturing, caring, persistent group who stand up to fight for those we love. Let us not forget who we really are.

Overcomers

Posted on February 22, 2014 by Suzanne Montgomery

I hear the words of Christian music artist Mandisa in my head as she sings on the radio, “You’re an overcomer. Stay in the fight until the final round. You’re not going under. ‘Cause God is holding you right now…” How many times have I felt defeated with the circumstances of life but a deep inner voice speaks to my heart these same words, “You’re an overcomer.” But even though I know God is right here, I can feel so alone. We all feel knocked down and beat up when things are not going our way. Or we feel ashamed when a choice we have made has consequences we didn’t anticipate. There are losses that are difficult to share even with those who love us: the promotion that never happened, the hoped for relationship that fizzled out, the baby that was never born. They leave us with a sense of inadequacy and failure that is difficult to shake. Does God really care about these feelings of defeat?

The Bible tells us that when we’ve seen Jesus, we’ve seen the Father. Jesus cared for the defeated. He announced His ministry when he read a passage from Isaiah that stated, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkness for the prisoners…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”

Are you held captive by a sense of failure and brokeness? Does despair surround you like a blanket of darkness? Jesus came to release you from all this and give you beauty for ashes. He wants us to be more than conquerors. We are overcomers. We choose not let failure get the best of us but to get up, wipe the ashes from us and try again. Often this is not from our own strength. We are lifted up by God’s people loving us when we are having a hard time loving ourselves. This is how others will recognize God’s people by how they love one another in good times and bad.

Remember all of us have experienced failure even those the world would consider to be successful. Most great people failed multiple times before they attained the status of greatness. The only difference between them and others is that they didn’t let defeat, defeat them. Abraham Lincoln is considered one of the greatest US presidents of all time but he went through trials that would have stopped most people. When he was yet a young boy his mother died suddenly. He was fortunate that his father re-married a woman who would encourage him to learn and better himself. When he was still a teen ager, his beloved sister Sarah, died in childbirth. She and her baby are buried together in the little cemetery near Lincoln’s boyhood home in southern Indiana. His family left Indiana and moved to Illinois in 1830. He first ran for the Illinois State legislature in 1832 and lost. He went into business with a friend in 1833 and it went under shortly thereafter. He could not pay the debt when it came due and his possessions were seized by the sheriff. He ran for the State legislature again in 1834 and won. He was able to pay his debt with his salary from the legislature and a position as a postmaster in New Salem, Illinois. In 1835 his sweetheart, Ann Rutledge died and left him heartbroken. He was re-elected to the State Legislature in 1836 and 1838. He was licensed to practice law in 1837 and was quite successful. He gained a seat in the US Congress in 1846 but didn’t run for a second term due to erosion of support back home in Illinois. He did run for US Senate but failed to gain a seat both in 1854 and 1858. However in 1860 he was elected as President of the United States. During his presidency, the country was divided over the issue of slavery in a great Civil War. In 1862, while he was serving in the White House, his son Willie died. He was again elected to the presidency in 1864 but was assassinated in 1865 by John Wilkes Booth while he was at the theatre with his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln. His life was tragic by any definition but he was known as a man of faith and great wisdom. It is thought that a raft trip as a young man down the Mississippi with a friend to deliver goods to New Orléans gave him the impetus to later implement the Emancipation Proclamation to abolish slavery. It was there that he witnessed slaves being bought and sold on the auction block. This experience so affected him that he stood up against great opposition to use the power given him for good. Even though his life was one of great loss and numerous failures, he moved beyond these obstacles to make a difference in the future of our country and it’s people.

But what it is that makes one an overcomer like Lincoln? I believe we are given the power to become overcomers by the Spirit of God when we recognize that we are a part of a bigger story: God’s story. Every joy and triumph, every loss and failure molds us into who we are meant to be. These experiences give us the means to play a role in “God’s Grand Story.” As Mordecai, Queen Esther’s uncle told her when he asked her to risk death by approaching the king to save her people, “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?”

You might think that you are not a president or a queen with such responsibility but neither Lincoln nor Queen Esther came from positions of wealth or power. God moved their once simple lives into these positions for a reason. None of us know what part we are to play in “God’s Grand Story” but every good and bad experience in our lives moves us into the role we are to play. We become overcomers when we realize that whatever lies ahead for us, we were born “for such as time as this.”

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing but in rising up every time we fail.” Ralph Waldo Emerson