Category Archives: God’s “nudges”

Rest In Peace

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imageLife has a way of smoothing off the rough edges of our personalities. I’ve been a witness to this in my own life and have had the privilege of walking through this process with others. Sometimes I am surprised by the results.

Today we laid to rest my ex-husband’s father, Rex. Throughout the nearly 40 years that I knew him, we had not always seen eye to eye. Maybe it was our stubbornness that blocked the way to peace between us. We both could tend to be very bull headed with each other. Needless to say, after Dan and I were divorced, I didn’t have a whole lot of contact with Rex. Even though the rest of the family was reconciled with each other, neither of us sought the other out. We kept our distance. That was easier. Through the years, my children would keep me up to date with him. They told me that he had become diabetic and was having a hard time of it. Then he was diagnosed with cancer and physically he became dependent on others for his every need. It became impossible for his wife, Maxine, to continue caring for him at home so he eventually was transferred to a nursing home. His suffering seemed to go on and on. The kids told me that Grandpa had changed. Suffering will do that, for good or for bad. Suffering is one way that life smooths off the rough edges.

I was confronted with my lack of reconciliation with Rex when he had a stroke and was transferred to the hospital a little over 3 weeks ago. My daughter, Anna, called me from his room with questions about hospice. Maxine and the family were debating whether this was the right move. The hospice nurse had been in but they hadn’t heard from Rex’s doctor yet. I tried to answer their questions from my experience but in my heart, I knew I needed to do more.

As I was driving from one work site to another, there was an inner voice nudging me. It kept saying, “You need to go see Rex.” I won’t try to act as if I didn’t argue with the inner voice. Remember, I am stubborn too. But when I reached the intersection that would take me to the hospital, I turned. Isn’t that really what listening to the Spirit is all about? Turning to notice the burning bush. We must turn our attention when God calls or simply ignore the sacred places He wants to take us. He was taking me to a sacred place my humanity did not want to go.

When I walked into the room, Rex looked frail. I didn’t expect him to be the robust, giant of a man who I remembered. He had been through so much. But I also didn’t expect the peace I felt as I touched his hand. There was a gentle glow about his face. The rough edges were all gone. Here was a man who had suffered and was not afraid of death. He was transferred to hospice and faded away peacefully this last week-end with Maxine at his side.

I think the minister presiding over the memorial today said it best when he asked the rhetorical question, why is there suffering? Why do some suffer so much more than others? The answer: we don’t know. But in the process, we learn to trust, to trust in those who care for us and to trust in the God who made us. In that trust, we allow God to smooth off all our rough edges to become the beautiful person He created us to be.

Until we meet again, Rex, rest in peace.

Hidden in Plain Sight

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doorI slept well last night, thank goodness! I wrote yesterday about worry and how it keeps me awake sometimes. It was probably one of the most open posts that I have written. It’s a little scary to put out on the web to all my friends (and friends of friends) that I have a problem with anxiety. In reality, I’m sure they already know this. To write openly about my struggles and how I feel, is good for me and I hope, good for others. Not in a whiny, “Oh, woe is me” kind of way, but showing how the Lord helps me deal with the trials of life day by day. Sometimes I don’t think I realize how much He helps me even in the little things.

As I was getting my post ready to publish yesterday, God interrupted my day to get my attention. I was scanning through my phone looking for a photo that would be appropriate for my post. The title was “More Than a Sparrow” so I wanted a picture of a sparrow as an illustration. I always try to use one of my own photos if possible. I had pictures of other birds but no sparrows. I was sitting at my desk, looking down at my phone, when a bird hit my window. It was a sparrow! The bird was not hurt. It proceeded to light on a nearby branch between my window and the pond behind the clinic just long enough for me to take a picture. The photo was beautiful. It was framed by green foliage with the bird silhouetted against the pond. Even through the cloudy window of my office, it turned out to be a great photo, better than I had imagined!

Just at the right moment, a sparrow appeared to pose for just the right photo. Wow! God, you are something! Were Your angels having fun with me yesterday? It’s like You’re saying, “I’m here, silly. Don’t you see me? I’m hidden in plain sight.” If God cares enough about me to send me a sparrow to photograph, how much more will He do for me and with me for the rest of my life? It’s humbling and mind-boggling at the same time.

There will be those who will say that this was just a coincidence but I don’t believe this for a minute. There are things that happen that are too much to be just random occurences. I’ve written in my blogs before about having eyes to see and ears to hear God all around us. But sometimes our hearts are so hard toward God, we don’t see the evidence of His existence. We can’t see it because we refuse to see. We put blinders over our eyes and plugs in our ears to keep God out. We lock Him out of our hearts.

I love the picture of Jesus knocking on a door. It’s a classic in religious art. The artist skillfully left off the door handle because the door must be opened from the inside. A heart must be open for Jesus to enter. He knocks on the door of our hearts, sometimes with a sparrow that appears miraculously at just the right time. All we have to do is open the door to greet the One who was there all along waiting for us to see Him hidden in plain sight.

Embracing the Unexpected

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imageIsn’t life just a little crazy?  When I think things are going along smoothly, something unexpected happens to throw off my routine. This past week, a chicken randomly arrived in our yard. We do live out in the country so chickens are not totally foreign to us. However, this bird seemed to come out of nowhere. We have neighbors with chickens but none of them have this type. I have learned from my farming friends that it is an Araucana, originally bred in Chili. They lay blue eggs. It’s a beautiful and surprisingly friendly bird.

So we have had a decision to make.  Do we try to find someone to take the chicken or do we keep it?  Since we know absolutely nothing about chickens, logic would say that we should find it another home.  We’re not even knowledgeable enough to tell if it is a hen or a rooster!  But against better judgement, we have fed it wild bird food and plan to make a trip to the local Tractor Supply to pick up some chicken feed and a chicken coop. I’m actually anxiously hoping it is a hen so we can have blue eggs. What a novelty!

It’s really not uncommon to have the unexpected fly into our lives. It happens all the time.  How we respond can turn the unexpected into a drudgery or transform it into an adventure. I can recall several times when events or people randomly appeared in my life unexpectedly. I had to decide then what my response would be.

Many years ago, we had a man from Alaska come to the airport to have work done on his airplane.  I came home from work one day to find out that my husband had invited him to stay in our guest room at the house rather than in a hotel.  I was a little unsure about inviting a perfect stranger into our home and really would have liked to have been asked first.   He ended up living in our home for a month while the work was being completed. Needless to say, we became very well acquainted with Jeff during that month and since that time he has returned to visit us and we have visited him in Alaska on more than one occasion.  He was an unexpected visitor that was offered hospitality transforming him from just a passing acquaintance into a cherished friend.  I have gained a number of great friends through odd circumstances such as this over the years.

Another unexpected event happened when I married Tim 7 years ago.  I had been divorced for 6 years and never expected that I would ever have more than my 3 children from my first marriage.  But with Tim, I gained 3 step children.  Granted, they are not with us as often as we would like since they live in Tipton with their mom, but the time we have with them is wonderful. I never really imagined that I could love them as I do.  I have adopted them into my heart as if they are my own.  I have learned through this that your children do not have to be biologic to be loved deeply.  Love is not limited. It can be dispensed lavishly and never be diminished. There is more than enough to go around for all 6 of them. My children are all grown and live in their own places. Tim’s oldest, Timothy is now in his 3rd year of college and Tim’s Anna (yes, we have 2 Anna’s) goes away to University of Indianapolis in a week.  Jack will be our one and only at home soon.  He will miss his Sis since they are very close but he will also bask in the personal attention he will have when she is away.

Both of these circumstances were totally unexpected but have ended up becoming great blessings in my life.  I could have approached them with an attitude of resignation and resentment.  But I chose not to go down that path. Instead, after some initial shock, I chose to embrace these situations whole heartedly.  I’m so thankful that I did. What fun and joy I would have missed!

So I guess my point in all of this is…when a chicken flies into your life, don’t be too quick to shoo it away.  Maybe God intended this just for you. In “The Hobbit” by JRR Tolkien, Gandalf points to providence when he asks Bilbo,  “You don’t really suppose do you, that all your adventures and escapes were managed by mere luck, just for your sole benefit?”  What seems like a chance meeting or circumstance, just might lead to a pivotal juncture in your life.  God does that sort of thing behind the scenes. Expect the unexpected since this is often the way He works to move us into His blessings.  Embrace the unexpected as pieces of the great adventure God has in store for you.

Recognizing the creator in us all.

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I find myself today on the last page of the journal I began almost 4 months ago.  After much pondering in Target as to which one I wanted, yesterday I purchased my next journal.  This may seem like a minor occurence but it’s really momentous for me.  You see, this is the first journal I have actually finished since I was in high school.  I have started and left many journals incomplete over the years mainly because I didn’t have enough time or rather, I didn’t set aside enough time to write.  What changed, you might ask?  Everything really.  I’ve had a total shift in how I visualize the rest of my life.  The things I thought were important earlier in my life have changed.  Not that what I focused on in the past was bad, but I now need to move on to a different stage of life.  I doubt that I would have made this move if I hadn’t been forced in a way.  Change is difficult and inertia keeps most of us where we are for fear of the unknown.  I am no different in this regard.  But I think God has another plan for me instead of continuing in the private practice of medicine for 10-15 more years.  He allowed me to paint myself into a work corner that was overwhelming then gave me a way out.  My present job is a gift.  I still get to interact with patients and other medical people but the pace is much more relaxed.  I have regained my sanity and my time.

I have been so time pressured for so long that initially I wasn’t sure what to do with the extra space I was given. I stumbled across a book through a series of God “coincidences”  that helped my focus.  It’s “The Early to Rise” book by Andy Traub who happens to be a native Hoosier and a Christian. At the time, he was hosting the podcasts for Andy Andrews but is now running his own business and writing full-time.  His book challenged me rise early and use this time to create.  His contention is that the early hours are our most productive time but most of us miss this opportunity because we are rushing out the door in the morning to our next scheduled activity.  I have shifted my schedule so I have an extra hour before I need to leave for work to read, to pray, and to write.  Initially I was concerned that I would be too tired to accomplish anything.  I really do have to force myself to start but once I do the ideas start to flow.  Very little of my journaling is anything close to profound but it helps me sort my thoughts through free writing.  This is a concept I learned from another great book, “Accidental Genius” by Mark Levy.  In free writing you just let your mind go and put on the page whatever thoughts you have without screening yourself for correct grammar.  You go back later to pull out the ideas you want to expand in further writing.  Through this method, a few good thoughts come out of my journal to become blog topics.  It’s really quite amazing.  I think this same method could apply to other forms of creativity.

Writing serves many purposes for me.  It helps me sift through ideas and thoughts to come to conclusions I wouldn’t have otherwise.  Writing holds me accountable since I feel more ownership of something I have written.  I lift prayers up in my journal and I can look back over them later to see God working to answer them.

Writing isn’t for everyone but I bet it would help many people even if they never shared a word with anyone else.  It is a creative outlet just like art.  We all have a bit of the “Creator” in us.  What other living creatures love to create but humans? The need to create is hard-wired into us.

So create! Do whatever your heart desires.  Writing is my creation but drawing has been in the past.  Who knows maybe I’ll start that again too.  How old was Grandma Moses when she started to paint?  I don’t know but I would guess much older than I am.  How do you choose what to create?  Look to whatever creative pastime you enjoyed as a child but gave up when you became an adult.  This will give you a place to start.  Carve out the time to begin creating whenever it works best for you.  Early morning just doesn’t work for some people. You might have to make some major changes for this to happen like I did.

I do often miss things from my past life, mainly patients who had become dear friends.  It is amazing though how many people I have run in to since I left practice.  We hug and generally cause a scene in whatever place we find each other.  Friends aren’t really lost even though we are separated by space and time.  I feel very strongly that God wants me to embrace this next stage of my life.  I am trying to watch and listen obediently so I can follow where He is leading. The journey has been very exciting so far.

 

Sweet Dreams

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When God speaks to us He reveals Himself in varied and sometimes surprising ways.  Some are subtle messages to your heart like the  “God Nudges” I’ve mentioned in an earlier post or when you have a new revelation from a familiar Bible passage. Sometimes He gets our attention in dramatic ways like He did when He called me to help Shadrach.  In other situations He sends His message to us in dreams such as the one that changed Shadrach’s career direction.  When our hearts are open, He connects with us right where we are by any means possible.

Many years ago, God gave me a dream that I will never forget.  It was a recurring dream and it came at a time I needed it desperately.

When I was 16 years old, my family, a friend and I were involved in a car accident. My mom and my sister Beth were injured.  My friend Pam and I walked away without a scratch but my little sister, Gaynelle was killed instantly.  I was the driver.

On a cold February day as we traveled to Lebanon for a band concert, I felt the car slip on ice and go toward the ditch.  I couldn’t control the car and ended up in a field. We were in an older car that had no seatbelts in the back and it was a time before car seats for kids.  Everyone in the back seat was thrown out.  Pam and I were safe with our seat belts on. The guilt and grief I felt over the loss of my little sister was almost unbearable.

At that time God brought to me an angel in the form of my pastor and a dream that pulled me out of this pit.  Pastor Dave Garrigus was a large but gentle man who would simply sit with me and listen. I really don’t remember any advice he gave me but his presence was the comfort I needed.  However the dream I was to have gave me hope.

In my dream, I was walking down a long, dirt country road. There were pastures surrounding me and a woods beyond.  Up ahead I could see an old farmhouse with a large front porch with rockers on it.  As I walked toward the house, suddenly someone came out of the front door and ran out to the road towards me.  She came closer and I could see that it was a young child.  Then the realization dawned that it was Gaynelle!  She jumped into my arms, hugging me tightly.  The only words she said to me through her beaming face were, “We’ve been waiting for you.”  As she said this I looked up and on the front porch stood my grandfather, my aunt Gaynelle who my sister had been named  after and other family members who had passed away.  All of a sudden I realized that I was being given a glimpse into heaven and then the dream was gone.  It recurred several nights in a row so I could fully grasp that this was a gift to me from God.

I’ve never had a dream like that before or after.  It gave me what I needed to be able to move on and live the full life I know my sister would want for me.  It’s been nearly 40 years since Gaynelle died and I’ve missed her tremendously.  But I know I will be with her someday. She’s waiting on me.

 

 

God “nudges”

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Have you ever experienced a God “nudge”? This is when an idea pops into your head out of the blue to do something that you normally would never do or even think about. The thought persists and you feel a strong compulsion to do whatever that task requires. I imagine that a lot of us have these thoughts but never give them any attention. We pass them off as a silly whim or say to ourselves “Where did that thought come from?”
When I was at the gym last week a woman that I had never seen there before struck up a conversation with me. It was a superficial conversation really, nothing very deep, but all of a sudden I had this thought that I should give her my ticket to Women of Faith that was to start the next day! I had the ticket with me in my purse and I knew that my group had extra tickets so I could buy another for myself. However, the overriding thought that the woman would think I was crazy stopped me from acting on this God “nudge”. I didn’t offer her the ticket but kept the thought to myself. What would I have lost if I had acted except maybe the $81 cost of the ticket? All she would have done would be to say yes or no to the offer.
What was God up to in asking me to do this? Did this woman need to experience generosity or did she just need to connect with other women to lift her up from her circumstances? What joy had God planned for me that I missed? I will not know since I did not do what God asked me to do.
Have you listened and acted on a God “nudge” today? Tell me what happened.
Suzanne