Author Archives: Suzanne Montgomery

Finding the Beauty in Sound

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I’m sitting out on the small porch of the cabin we have rented at Pine Mountain in Kentucky, drinking the last of my coffee and writing in my journal.  It’s peaceful and quiet but yet it’s not.  There’s a chipmunk making a racket around the corner and then it scurries along the edge of the porch out into the yard.  Nuts are falling out of a tree nearby and if I listen closely I can even hear the leaves coming down too.  The wind is soft but it’s helping them add to the layer already accumulating on the forest floor.  Autumn is well on its way in Appalachia and the birds are singing their last hurrah before their southward journey. Ah, the beauty of sound.

I envy those who know the bird calls and can call back in return.  It’s like learning another language and I’ve never been good at that.  Once I was on a bird hike at Pokagon State Park with an expert, Bud Starling, who at the time wrote for the Indianapolis Star. He pointed out a group of crows who were being noisy and commented that they were probably harassing a sleeping owl that had preyed on one of their young.  As I’m thinking, “How could you know this,” as if on cue, the owl appeared in broad daylight with the crows pursuing it.  What a sight!  I could not deny, the man knew the bird’s language.

Listening and really hearing is a lost art. I miss so much most of the time by hurrying too fast or filling up my days with too much.  I don’t pause to notice the beauty of sounds.  Not just music but the roar of the ocean, the gentle patter of rain on the roof at night, or the purr of a cat.  I dreamed last night that I needed to communicate with someone who could not hear but I didn’t know sign language.  I remember feeling like I should know this but didn’t.  During the Women of Faith event this summer, the women doing sign language were standing just below where our group was seated.  They were so expressive as they signed for the hearing impaired women there.  I found myself captivated watching them.  There was beauty in each motion as they poured themselves into their task.  Their grace-filled signs were no substitute however for the magnificent sounds the rest of us were able to hear that day.

That experience reinforced in me the need to appreciate the gift of hearing and to learn patience with those who are impaired in this way.  Both of my parents are having more and more trouble with their hearing as they get older and I find myself becoming frustrated with them.  In reality, I am sure they are more frustrated than I am. They miss so many of the sounds out of their range, it is difficult for them to communicate sometimes.  Given my family history, I very well may be in the same situation they are in a few years.    I need to put myself in their shoes to appreciate their need for my understanding.

Yes, I am thankful that my physical capability to hear is not impaired presently. But I find that I still miss many important sounds because I simply don’t listen.  Perhaps there is just too much background noise in my world so I am not tuned into the sounds I really need to hear.  I have external ears to hear the things of the outer world but I also have internal ears to hear the things of the spiritual world.  I find myself not fully using either. Perception and intuition are the ears of the heart. It’s often not what a person says but how they say it that tells their whole story. These are the heart sounds that are often overlooked, the true meaning behind the words hidden to most.  I pray that God will open my ears so I can hear all that He has for me to hear but especially these sounds of the heart.  I must take the time to truly listen for them.

A Legacy of Faith

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As I was reading through the story “Look For the Face of Jesus,” I couldn’t help but wonder at the legacy of faith that Betty’s mom left to her.  Most of the time when we think of leaving a legacy, we assume this needs to be some great endeavor generally by someone famous in history such as Andrew Carnegie who left us a legacy of thousands of libraries dotting the United States. Or perhaps we would think of George Washington Carver who left us the legacy of hundreds of uses for the peanut, many of which are still used today.  These are admirable achievements for sure and of great value to society. However, I would guess that if I asked you who in your life left you a legacy that changed your path dramatically , it would not be any person famous by the world’s standards but it would be an ordinary person faithfully living out their values.

I think of the legacy of giving my parents have left to me.  I saw them as a child traveling to places far from our home to build churches for those people who did not have the knowledge or funds to complete them on their own.  I watched them give weekly to their own church even though when I look back I know we could have really used that money ourselves. My parents were small business owners and money was tight since most of their profit went back in to building up the business.  They tirelessly gave anyway.  I know that I value missions and faithful giving because I saw my parents not just telling me about giving but doing it themselves.

I remember a teacher that gave me the legacy of trustworthiness.  She was a safe person to confide in when my best friend was molested by her older sister’s husband and she was too afraid to tell her parents.  We knew that we could trust this wonderful woman to do what needed to be done to help a young girl in trouble. She had shown us what it meant to be trustworthy in everything  by who she was faithfully every day.

I remember an older man at my church who gave me the legacy of unwavering belief.  He was a research scientist at Eli Lilly and held many patents for discoveries he made in his career.  He avidly pursued knowledge in the academic world as well as in the scriptures.  He contended that the world was much too complex for a thinking person not to believe in a creator.  He would say that it was statistically impossible for the universe and everything in it to occur by chance.  He showed me that intellect could co-exist with belief in God as he stood firmly in his beliefs.

As it says in the Book of Hebrews, we have a great cloud of witnesses who have gone on before us.  They looked beyond the trials here on earth to a heavenly kingdom that could not be seen or touched but was real just the same.  Several of the witnesses of faith that have shaped my life through their legacy are still here on earth but many have passed on from this life to be with Jesus.  As with Betty’s mother, they watched for the face of Jesus in each person they encountered on their way until the time they would see Him face to face in their heavenly home. Those of us who have benefited from their example are left to carry on this legacy of faith.

 

 

       

Look For The Face of Jesus

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Another story by Betty Carpenter                                    

 
Look For The Face of Jesus
 
When we first moved to Indiana from Tennessee we lived in Franklin, Indiana not too far from the high school and the railroad tracks. My mother wasn’t working at the time so I always walked home from school for lunch. We didn’t have much money so it was a cost savings and a wonderful opportunity for me to eat one of my mother’s home cooked meals. Plus, she always took the time to sit with me just to talk. She was the biggest influence in my life and, I thought, she must have had a heart just like Jesus. She always had some Bible teaching she would refer to when I or one of my siblings had questions about what motivated her or why she did some of the things we didn’t understand.
 
One Saturday morning we had just finished eating our breakfast of bacon, eggs, gravy and my mother’s homemade biscuits she made each and every day. There was a knock on our door. My mother went to the door and there was a man standing there that had a bag tied to a stick which contained all his belongings. He was not clean, he was unshaven, he had long hair and had just gotten off the freight train that stopped a few blocks away from our house. That was his transportation from town to town. He explained all that to my mother and asked her if we had any food he could eat since he was hungry. So, my mother, having that heart like Jesus, told him to come in and sit at our table. Her homemade biscuits and gravy were cold but she insisted on heating them for him while she made him some fresh cooked eggs. As usual, my mother sat with him, in fact we all did, while he enjoyed his food. I don’t remember the topics of our conversation but, even at that time, I considered it somewhat dangerous but so thoughtful and non-judgmental of my mother to welcome this stranger into our home. I’ve never forgotten that experience. I know it was never a question in my mother’s mind whether or not to feed this hungry stranger. And, as always, this was another lesson from the Bible when he left to go on his way. She just looked at us and said, ―you never know when you might have an opportunity to entertain an angel.‖ As I thought about this I searched my Bible and found the scripture to which she referred in Hebrews where the author provides some practical rules for Christian living. (―Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.‖ Heb. 13:2) Then again in Matthew, Jesus tells us of rewards to those who serve without thought of reward. (―The King will reply, I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.‖ Matt. 25:42) Jesus refers to His brothers as strangers— sick, in prison, hungry, thirsty, and needing clothes .
 
So, you might ask, what does all this have to do with the title of this article? It’s about serving as Jesus served and loving as Jesus loved. When people see us, at our work, at our school or at our church, do they see Christ within us? When they see our face, do they see the reflection of Jesus? I think that strange man must have seen the reflection of Jesus that day my mother invited him into our home and gave him food. Look around. Do you see reflections of Jesus around you?
 

        

Who Is Your King?

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In our women’s Bible study at church we have been studying the story of Gideon.  The study is facilitated by Priscilla Shirer who is the daughter of Dr. Tony Evans.  It has been very thought-provoking and convicting.  In our last week, Priscilla asked us, “Who is your king?”  In the book of Judges, after all that God did to deliver the Hebrew people from the hands of the Midianites, they wanted to give the credit to Gideon and make him their king.  They failed to give credit to the One who saved them through supernatural means.  If we are really honest with ourselves, do we do the same thing today?

We don’t bow down to idols as ancient people did, but we do have our idols even yet.  Money, power, acclaim, addictions…  What hits home with you?  For me the need for praise is my main idol and pride feeds this need.  Like many others, I become my own king.  I forget that everything I am or have is a gift from God.  I can take pride in the fact that I am a doctor and bask in the praise given me.  But who gave me the opportunity to do this?  I could have been born in Africa like Shadrach and never even have the chance to get an education.  I have never had to go hungry or worry about where I would sleep.  I act as if I somehow accomplished this myself. I have to stop myself and give credit where credit is due.  I would have NOTHING without God.

Now I don’t want to insinuate that blessings just fall down on us like rain and we have nothing to do with it.  Even Gideon had to be obedient to God’s plan of attack on the Midianites.  God whittled down the number of Hebrew warriors to 300, just so they would not be able to take credit for the victory but they did anyway!  Gideon and the Hebrews had to cooperate with God but He ultimately accomplished the victory.  In this same way, we have to cooperate with God to reap the benefit of His blessings.  The farmer’s fields don’t reap a harvest unless they invest the time to plow, plant, and fertilize their crop.  God provides the miracle of the seed that with water, sunlight and the right soil becomes the mature plant.  Together the harvest is accomplished.

Jesus spoke about yoking ourselves to Him and our burden would be light.  In this analogy, we’re still working but He’s bearing the bigger load.  We are weak but if we’re paired with Jesus there is no telling what we can accomplish. In the letter to the Philippians its says, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”  I am blessed that God saw fit to give me the opportunity to go to Medical School but the degree didn’t just fall in my lap.  I had to study and make an investment of 11 years of my life to get there.  But if not for Jesus working beside me and pouring His strength into me, it would not have happened.  When pride starts to creep into my heart, I must stop myself from believing the lie that I did any of this on my own.  I must take myself or any other idol in my life off the throne of my heart and allow Jesus to sit as my King.

God…Why Skunks?

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Another great story from my friend Betty.
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God …… Why Skunks?
Why do we have skunks?  Yep, that’s going to be one of the questions on my “God List” when I see Him.  If you don’t know the skunk story, well here’s the short version.
One early morning, about 6 weeks ago now, our 17 month old black lab went outside on her regular routine of doing her business and surveying the property.  On her rounds she discovered a skunk in our front yard and, since she is still very much a playful pup, decided it might be a nice playmate.  Now you can probably guess what happened next.  The skunk did NOT want to play and proceeded to give her a spray just to let her know.  By that time my husband and I had seen the skunk and were horrified to say the least.  As we expected, the dog smelled exactly as we thought …..just like a skunk.  What we didn’t expect was that she would come running in the house and clean off her face onto our sofa.  Yep, that’s what I said, on our sofa.  All the way down the front edge of our three cushions was now skunk odor, not to mention the smell left on the dog.  So, now my husband and I are in a panic to get the remaining smell off the dog.  Still in our pajamas at 7:30 a.m., we corral the dog, run water in our tub, gather some doggie towels and begin to shampoo our 80 pound frisky lab, who also wants this stink off her.  Lather, rinse, lather, rinse and still, although drastically reduced, the smell of skunk is still evident.  Now, since we’ve concentrated on the source (the lab) we’ve also abandoned the sofa which is really stinking in the living room.  (Go ahead, I hear the laughter already.)  Finally we decided we had done  all we could do and dried off the dog, tried to figure out how many clothes we needed to throw away, take our shower and get to work late.
So, the sofa just sat there all day and continued to contaminate our home with the skunk odor.  By the time we returned home from work, well let’s just say, it was not a good thing.  We called the neighbor across the street to come help us haul the sofa outside to our large front porch.  At that point we had rid the house of the largest portion of the two sources of the smell.  Now comes the decontamination.  My husband and I, with Lysol and other disinfectants in hand, set out to clean floors, windows, doors and anything else in our path.  We just wanted to walk into our home without the overwhelming skunk smell.
Now, the smell is gone (thank God) and just this week that sofa, the one that was my favorite sofa ever, the one I loved when I saw it in the manufacturer’s brochure, the nicest sofa I ever had and the one I had waited, worked and saved so hard for was gone.  It was kind of sad to see it go, even though I knew it could not be repaired (it also had some puppy damage).  I thought about how much I had invested in that sofa.  Then later, I began to reflect on my investments.  Oh not the monetary investment, but rather the emotional investment.  I began thinking about just how much emotional attachment I had, not only to the sofa, but to other “things” I have.  So, this was a time of reflection and an opportunity to actually learn something about this whole experience.
What I’ve learned is that my “attachment to things” is not of God.  That doesn’t mean I don’t continue to appreciate and care for the things I have.  It just means that I have a new perspective.  I had such an emotional investment in that sofa that the loss of it diminished my joy of the other, more important, things in my life.  I would now rather concentrate on the joy of my friendships, my wonderful husband, my family that I dearly love, my church and the great love and forgiveness that Jesus Christ gives me each day.  After all, I am the child of a King!
 “Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21 (NIV)
I might add to that, “where skunks and doggies do not destroy”.  Nevertheless, I try to look at circumstances as an opportunity to learn something.  I think I need to work just as diligently at thanking God for all that He gives, as I did diligently working and saving for that sofa.  That sofa is now gone but God’s love and forgiveness is always there for me, and you.  Eventually, I’ll get another sofa (God willing), but it won’t be one of my treasures.  Those are in Heaven!
                                                                    Child of the King.jpg

Angry with God?

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The letter from Betty I shared earlier this week brought up a touchy subject that most of us would rather sideline.  Anger with God.  Have you ever had a situation so horrific that you didn’t just question God but you felt angry that God let it happen?  I think many of us have, no matter how long we have been Christians, but we often don’t admit it.  Why?  We feel guilty about our anger against God.  Somehow we have programmed ourselves to think that anger is not allowed.  However there is good evidence that God is OK with us expressing our rage toward Him.

Job is a very familiar character in the Bible who is famous for his anger against God.  Job had many reasons to be angry.  In a very short time he lost his children, his property, his standing in his community and his health.  His wife advised him to curse God and die!  But Job did not.  He contended with God and was angry with Him but he never stopped believing through it all.  He wanted an answer from God as to why he was being punished when he had not sinned against Him.  God never really answered Job but instead showed Him through His majesty that He was in control.  Job was left without answers to his questions but getting answers weren’t important anymore.  He was justified by God and his friends were chastised for claiming that Job must have sinned and caused his predicament. His property and standing in the community were reinstated better than before.  He had more children and lived a long life after his trials.

The story of Job is interesting in many ways.  It’s notable that there was evil behind the scenes testing Job and God allowed this for a time.  Job never was privy to this information ever.  Also God never chastised Job for being angry with him.  He praised Job’s integrity throughout all his trials.

So if we take this story to heart, we can make two assumptions.  The first is to recognize that there probably is more going on behind the scenes in the spiritual world than we’ll ever know in this life.  In other words, we can’t see the whole picture.  We live in a world that is broken where bad things happen to good people.  The second assumption is that God does not get upset with us when we get angry with Him.  He wants us to be authentic and honest with Him.  What seems to really upset God is when we try to deceive Him or ignore Him.  We can’t lie to God about how we feel or what we’ve done.  God’s heart is broken when we ignore Him or act as if He doesn’t exist.  Job could have said that there must not be a God or He wouldn’t allow him to suffer.  But he didn’t.  Job kept up his conversation with God throughout his whole ordeal.  He continued to believe even as he railed against what was happening to him.  Even though it appeared that God had abandoned Job, He hadn’t.

We’re never promised that life will be easy or equitable. If fact, Jesus said that trouble was ahead for all of us.  Whatever you are going through right now, know that it is OK to be angry.  Let your feelings be made known to God and in Him you will find comfort. You may be delivered in this life from your troubles but reality is, you may not.  But through it all remember, you will be delivered someday and God will move through this life with you all the way.  He will not abandon you. These are promises we can stand on every day to help us survive and flourish with whatever life throws at us.

A friend’s personal inventory

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This is a letter I wanted to share from Betty, a good friend of mine who I met many years ago on a Walk to Emmaus.  In it she describes what she went through after suddenly losing her son, Chris, while he was yet only in high school.   She would admit that it’s been a long journey of grief, but what she has learned in the process is well worth reading and taking to heart.
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Personal Inventory
I was in a group at one time called Adult Children of Alcoholics.  Since my father was an alcoholic, I obviously fit right in with the issues and the dysfunctions of people growing up in an alcoholic environment.  I find I still use the tools I learned in that group to reflect and analyze my thoughts.  You see, those thoughts typically affect behavior in some way either consciously or sub-consciously.  One of those tools is taking a Personal Inventory.  The Personal Inventory is just as it sounds, a personal cleaning of house to put it in simple terms.  An inventory of our lives as we see them.  That is, the individual relationships we have with our parents, our children, friends, co-workers, our job, our spouse, our Pastor, our church, our sibling(s) and, most importantly, God.
But, I get ahead of myself.  The Personal Inventory is the 4th step of 12 in the process of cleaning house.  The actual beginning of the 12 steps is to “Admit we are powerless and our life has become unmanageable.”  The next step is we “Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity” and for me, this power is God.  Step three is to “Make a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God, as we understand Him.”    Then comes the point of this article, step four, “To make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”  So, what does this mean?  I can only tell you of my experiences with the process.
As I stated earlier, step 4 is a cleaning house of past or present obstacles that prevent me from moving forward in my life. My format for completing step 4 includes 1) Area (or relationship), 2) Description, 3) Resentments 4) Fears, 5) Appreciations and 6) Regrets.  In my step 4 relationship with God, I had many struggles after my son’s death trying to understand His purpose.  So, the searching and fearless moral inventory began.  Searching means a thorough cleaning of behavior you would really prefer not to dig out again or feelings you might not want to admit.  I didn’t want to admit the depth of my anger with God.  I felt as though He had completely abandoned me.  What terrible thing had I done in my life that could possibly deserve this unbearable pain?  Why did He take my son and leave this immeasurable void in my soul?  Those were just some of the questions I had for God.  Of course I had many fears that related to my anger with God.  How could I possibly be angry with God?  Isn’t that just against all religious teachings?  Isn’t that just the absolute worst thing I could do?
Then, I got to the Appreciation part and I realized the incredible depth of God’s love for me.  Oh what love!  Oh, don’t get me wrong, this didn’t happen overnight.  In the first personal inventory I did, the appreciation was there but was much more surface level.  It was only after about 3 to 5 years of doing an annual personal inventory that God so deeply touched my heart with His love that I understood.  The Regrets portion of my God inventory are usually many.  The blessing is always forgiveness.  That’s God’s love.
My point of all this is that if we always look in the past, focus on a negative relationship or a negative experience, we simply miss what God has in store for us today.  We miss all of God’s blessings today if we are consistently looking at what has been.  In fact, we just might miss God’s calling of what He really wants us to do to glorify Him.  That doesn’t mean we get rid of the memories, it simply means we get rid of the garbage that prevents us from moving forward.  For instance, if I always focus on the death of my son I diminish his short life.  I diminish the wonderful young man he was and all the people that were affected just by knowing him.  When we constantly look back at all the negative experiences in our life we fail to see God’s grace and we diminish the life of Christ and the love He came to bring.   Get rid of the garbage and there’s more room for God.
By the way, I’ll never forget my son.  I know he’s in heaven with his Savior.  He was a beautiful young man with a heart of gold.  I know I will see him again and, after this many years, I can see how God has worked in many of the lives that were touched by Chris and his death, including mine.  That’s a blessing from God!
Maybe it’s because I got rid of some of my garbage.
  Chris' school picture.jpg
Chris Canter
06/28/70
to
02/06/86
Love,
Betty

Pray Without Ceasing

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I think prayer is one of the most misunderstood of all spiritual practices.  I once was asked many years ago by a child how to pray to God.  She wondered if she had to pray in a certain way for God to hear her.  I told her then and I believe it now that there is no required way to speak to God.  He just wants to hear from us.

Yes, I know Jesus gave us the Lord’s Prayer after the disciples asked Him how they should pray. But I believe this was meant only to be a guide for us.  Instead it has been over evaluated to give a formula of what parts should be included in a prayer.  This just confuses us and simply makes prayer too difficult.

Essentially, prayer was meant to be a conversation with God. It was never intended to be complicated.  The apostle Paul recommended to pray without ceasing.  This is talking to God throughout our day as if we were conversing with a friend.  It can simply be a heartfelt “thank you” or a plea of “help me know what to do, Lord.”  Sometimes our situation needs a longer conversation or when in desperation, it happens on our knees.  Whatever the circumstance, God just wants to hear from us.  He desires a relationship with us and without conversation this would be impossible.

It never ceases to amaze me the results of our prayers.  During lunch club this summer at my church, we have seen these prayers “on the fly” result in amazing things.  When the electricity went out on the first day of the lunch program, a prayer went up and plans went into gear to bring a grill to the church to cook hot dogs but there weren’t enough in the freezer for the number of kids expected.  Someone happened to drop in later that morning to see if we could use the hot dogs, hamburgers and potato salad that were extra from their graduation party the day before.  Problem solved!  Another time there weren’t enough cookies to serve and a prayer was sent heavenward.  In no time someone walked in with 16 dozen cookies. She said she felt a nudge from God that she needed to bake cookies for us.  She had never baked so many cookies at one time ever before.  God had set into play the answer to this prayer before the need was even recognized.

I’ve personally experienced this phenomenon of having a prayer answered before I’ve even prayed on many occasions.  When my son and I were in Haiti in 2011,  I asked one of the surgeons who is a devote Christian man, to speak to Garrett about his faith. I prayed that my son would be given encouragement to pursue his own faith by the example of this wonderful man.  That same evening before the surgeon had a chance to speak to my son, Garrett shared with our group how one of the Haitian men at the mission had expressed to him how thankful he was that God had gifted him with the ability to repair machinery.  This man was using his gift to glorify God.  I was amazed and more than a little tearful, that God had been answering my prayer through this Haitian man before I even asked.  I was trying to maneuver an answer myself but God had better plans.

Don’t underestimate the power of prayer.  The answers may not always turn out the way we anticipate but sometimes they turn out even better.  His answers aren’t always yes. They may be no or not now.  Sometimes the answer is “I will be with you through this.”  God knows what we need even before we know it ourselves.  He wants to have an intimate relationship with us and give us what is best for us always. Remember, we don’t see the whole picture, but He does.  Trust and keep praying.

Sweet Dreams

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When God speaks to us He reveals Himself in varied and sometimes surprising ways.  Some are subtle messages to your heart like the  “God Nudges” I’ve mentioned in an earlier post or when you have a new revelation from a familiar Bible passage. Sometimes He gets our attention in dramatic ways like He did when He called me to help Shadrach.  In other situations He sends His message to us in dreams such as the one that changed Shadrach’s career direction.  When our hearts are open, He connects with us right where we are by any means possible.

Many years ago, God gave me a dream that I will never forget.  It was a recurring dream and it came at a time I needed it desperately.

When I was 16 years old, my family, a friend and I were involved in a car accident. My mom and my sister Beth were injured.  My friend Pam and I walked away without a scratch but my little sister, Gaynelle was killed instantly.  I was the driver.

On a cold February day as we traveled to Lebanon for a band concert, I felt the car slip on ice and go toward the ditch.  I couldn’t control the car and ended up in a field. We were in an older car that had no seatbelts in the back and it was a time before car seats for kids.  Everyone in the back seat was thrown out.  Pam and I were safe with our seat belts on. The guilt and grief I felt over the loss of my little sister was almost unbearable.

At that time God brought to me an angel in the form of my pastor and a dream that pulled me out of this pit.  Pastor Dave Garrigus was a large but gentle man who would simply sit with me and listen. I really don’t remember any advice he gave me but his presence was the comfort I needed.  However the dream I was to have gave me hope.

In my dream, I was walking down a long, dirt country road. There were pastures surrounding me and a woods beyond.  Up ahead I could see an old farmhouse with a large front porch with rockers on it.  As I walked toward the house, suddenly someone came out of the front door and ran out to the road towards me.  She came closer and I could see that it was a young child.  Then the realization dawned that it was Gaynelle!  She jumped into my arms, hugging me tightly.  The only words she said to me through her beaming face were, “We’ve been waiting for you.”  As she said this I looked up and on the front porch stood my grandfather, my aunt Gaynelle who my sister had been named  after and other family members who had passed away.  All of a sudden I realized that I was being given a glimpse into heaven and then the dream was gone.  It recurred several nights in a row so I could fully grasp that this was a gift to me from God.

I’ve never had a dream like that before or after.  It gave me what I needed to be able to move on and live the full life I know my sister would want for me.  It’s been nearly 40 years since Gaynelle died and I’ve missed her tremendously.  But I know I will be with her someday. She’s waiting on me.

 

 

Real Family

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When Shadrach first came to our home, he was a stranger. It wasn’t long however before he was family.  He calls my parents grandma and grandpa and my kids call him brother.  Shad came from a large, extended family but in most places here in the US, the extended family is almost extinct.  We are independent and mobile causing us to live painfully isolated from each other.  I am so thankful that I have always lived close to most of my family.  I have known 3 generations of grandmothers and benefited from their history and wisdom.  My children have traveled away from Indiana but they have always come back home.  I have to believe that this is because they have strong family ties here.  We have a legacy of stories that we love to share whenever we are together as a whole for a meal or a holiday.  Shadrach has become a part of this family history.

Radical hospitality, in the best possible sense, leads us to become family with each other.  I wrote about this in a previous post as it relates to the strangers God puts in our path but it also relates to those we know best in our own churches.  We are called to be “The Body of Christ” but instead we are disjointed parts trying to function all on our own.  We were never meant to be this way.  We are wired to be in community helping each other in our daily struggles like an extended family.  For this to happen though we have to be open and honest with each other.  We have to let down our facade and be vulnerable.  However, there is a sense in most of our churches that we have to act as if we have everything together even when we are falling apart.  We can’t help each other if we can’t admit that we need it.

How do we go about changing this reality?  I think we have to consciously reach out to each other and allow others to reach out to us.  Reaching out to others who have no biologic family or have family far away from them is important and necessary.  To do this though, we have to be willing to be responsible and accountable to each other.  This is tough.  It requires that we may be asked to be there for someone else even when it is uncomfortable or inconvenient. My husband Tim is so good at this.  I envy him in this because it is an area I struggle with.

A year ago in October, Ryan, the son of good friends of ours was in a terrible auto accident.  He had a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and has been in rehab since.  He has made tremendous strides but it has been slow.  We are celebrating that he passed his swallow test so now he can eat and hopefully get rid of his feeding tube soon.  What seems like a minor thing like swallowing is a major thing after a TBI.  Our friends and their son are true heroes for their courage and perseverance.

Tim has made it his habit to visit Ryan every week.  He will read to him, plays “Angry Birds” with him and generally just chooses to be there with him.  He jokes with Ryan that they will take a baseball bat to the machine that pumps in his tube feedings.  It beeps incessantly and drives him crazy.  Ryan has several faithful visitors.  They are acting as extended family for Ryan and his mom and dad.  They are being the “Body of Christ.”

This kind of family is what we all need and long for if we are honest.  It adds a dimension of belonging that you don’t get anywhere else.  Sometimes my real family and my extended church family can drive me crazy because none of us are perfect.  But isn’t that really the point?  We aren’t perfect.  We need each other.  I wouldn’t give up these  wonderful, sometimes exasperating relationships for anything.