Life has a way of smoothing off the rough edges of our personalities. I’ve been a witness to this in my own life and have had the privilege of walking through this process with others. Sometimes I am surprised by the results.

Today we laid to rest my ex-husband’s father, Rex. Throughout the nearly 40 years that I knew him, we had not always seen eye to eye. Maybe it was our stubbornness that blocked the way to peace between us. We both could tend to be very bull headed with each other. Needless to say, after Dan and I were divorced, I didn’t have a whole lot of contact with Rex. Even though the rest of the family was reconciled with each other, neither of us sought the other out. We kept our distance. That was easier. Through the years, my children would keep me up to date with him. They told me that he had become diabetic and was having a hard time of it. Then he was diagnosed with cancer and physically he became dependent on others for his every need. It became impossible for his wife, Maxine, to continue caring for him at home so he eventually was transferred to a nursing home. His suffering seemed to go on and on. The kids told me that Grandpa had changed. Suffering will do that, for good or for bad. Suffering is one way that life smooths off the rough edges.

I was confronted with my lack of reconciliation with Rex when he had a stroke and was transferred to the hospital a little over 3 weeks ago. My daughter, Anna, called me from his room with questions about hospice. Maxine and the family were debating whether this was the right move. The hospice nurse had been in but they hadn’t heard from Rex’s doctor yet. I tried to answer their questions from my experience but in my heart, I knew I needed to do more.

As I was driving from one work site to another, there was an inner voice nudging me. It kept saying, “You need to go see Rex.” I won’t try to act as if I didn’t argue with the inner voice. Remember, I am stubborn too. But when I reached the intersection that would take me to the hospital, I turned. Isn’t that really what listening to the Spirit is all about? Turning to notice the burning bush. We must turn our attention when God calls or simply ignore the sacred places He wants to take us. He was taking me to a sacred place my humanity did not want to go.

When I walked into the room, Rex looked frail. I didn’t expect him to be the robust, giant of a man who I remembered. He had been through so much. But I also didn’t expect the peace I felt as I touched his hand. There was a gentle glow about his face. The rough edges were all gone. Here was a man who had suffered and was not afraid of death. He was transferred to hospice and faded away peacefully this last week-end with Maxine at his side.

I think the minister presiding over the memorial today said it best when he asked the rhetorical question, why is there suffering? Why do some suffer so much more than others? The answer: we don’t know. But in the process, we learn to trust, to trust in those who care for us and to trust in the God who made us. In that trust, we allow God to smooth off all our rough edges to become the beautiful person He created us to be.

Until we meet again, Rex, rest in peace.