Life is full of ups and downs, victories and defeats. We tend to thank God for the blessings of our mountain tops but see our valley experiences as meaningless. But nothing is ever wasted in God’s economy. My cousin, Mona posted a comment by Anne Kubinsky of lookforthegoodproject.org on Facebook recently that spoke to this truth.
“I know people who feel like they’ve wasted years of their lives because of poor choices. They spent years in a relationship that was toxic, years with an addiction, years at a job where they weren’t fulfilled. But you have to realize, nothing you have been through is ever wasted. Your past experiences, good and bad have deposited something on the inside of you. Those challenges have sharpened you, to make you who you are today.”
As I look back over my life, I see all the pieces coming together to make me who I am. If I am honest, the sad times have had a greater impact since they knocked me off my pedestal and gave me a better perspective of the world around me. My life was very dark when I lost my youngest sister, Gaynelle when she was almost 5 years old. Her death gave me first hand experience of the heaviness that sits on your heart during grief and how it can resurface out of the blue years later. Something rekindles a memory and it all floods back for a moment. It could be a familiar smell or a scene from the past. I’m suddenly immersed in the same feelings again. But it only lasts a moment. I’ve learned to live a new “normal” years ago. However, having experienced this I know when I come across a person who has lost someone they love dearly, I have a sense of what they are going through. When you love someone deeply, you always miss them no matter how many years have passed. It’s just the way it is. Recognizing this fact and just “being” with another grieving soul can help more than anything. It doesn’t change the situation but there is nothing much worse than grieving alone. Those of us who have experienced grief are best able to help those going through it now. Grief was a challenge that sharpened me, reshaping me into who I am today.
My life has had a few big challenges like the death of my sister and a myriad of little ones. A few years back I had the unfortunate inconvenience of breaking two bones in my left leg while dirt bike riding with my husband. It’s a long story but suffice it to say I felt foolish not having on proper boots that probably would have prevented the fractures. In the end I needed a titanium rod in my tibia and a plate and screws in my ankle. This slowed me down a bit. I discovered what it is like to have difficulty raising my leg over the edge of the tub to shower. I found that PT can be extremely painful but absolutely necessary to regain function. I noticed how few shopping places have benches to sit down when I was worn out using crutches. I have a whole different perspective on physical disabilities that I would never had known if I hadn’t gone through this experience. My leg is essentially back to normal. I don’t have a permanent disability as many people do. But I have a new appreciation for what they go through every day. A place saying it is “handicap accessible” doesn’t guarantee accessibility. Little things are difficult when a person is disabled that most of us take for granted. Through this experience I can better guide my patients when they are going through a similar injury. I think it gives them hope that my ankle is doing great now.
I wouldn’t wish for any of these trials if I had the choice. I would do just about anything to have my sister back. But I can’t. I hold on to the hope that I will see her again and I know that Jesus is taking good care of her now. But I did have a choice as to whether I would let the trials make me bitter or whether I would let God use them for good. Over and over again I have seen good come after great tragedies. The tragedies are not minimized but the survivors didn’t let themselves be defeated by them. They chose to make a difference for others often in honor of those who didn’t survive. All the loving actions that have come after the Sandy Hook shooting are a good example of this. Evil has been quenched by love because the families chose to use their grief for good, not bitterness. Nothing is wasted when we allow God to use our tragedies to remold us into people of light. The apostle John gives us hope in the midst of these trials. “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.”
