Monthly Archives: January 2014

Self-Confidence or God-Confidence

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So much of western culture is “me” oriented.  We have manuals to boost our self-esteem, to promote self-actualization and to bolster our self-confidence.  We are convinced by shrewd advertising that “I’m worth it.”  We buy into this thinking and enthrone ourselves as our own gods.  When we make ourselves into gods however, we cannot allow the rightful King to rule our lives.  Jesus told his disciples, ” If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”  This is not an easy task. Self-denial is certainly counter to the culture in which we live. How do we remain self-confident in what we do here in this world yet die to self? What if rather than seeking self-confidence, we are “God-confident”?  What would this look like?

Instead of being solely dependent on our own abilities, we would depend on God working through us.  Our focus would be outward, not inward; looking out for others, not ourselves.  We would not be doormats though because we would stand for what is right.  Jesus was certainly not a doormat as He stood His ground with the religious leaders of His day.  Our leadership would be enabling and encouraging others to be all they can be.  We would not worry about material things but would be confident that God would provide what we needed.  This would free us to take risks for good.  We would be creative beyond our own ideas  because we could be open to the creative energy of God flowing through us.  We would be co-creators with God.  I believe this is really what He desires.  He doesn’t want us to be puppets who only can act when manipulated.  But He wants us to work side-by-side with Him: co-workers entrusted with the stewardship of the earth and its contents.

Overall we’ve done a pretty poor job with being good stewards but there are high points interspersed throughout history that give us hope.  A few of these include the discovery of the polio vaccine and penicillin that opened the door for other medications that changed our world, the fall of the Berlin Wall leading to the disintegration of the Iron Curtain , the end of Apartheid in South Africa through forgiveness and reconciliation , the abolition of slavery in the US and the subsequent Civil Rights Movement. All these accomplishments were gained through self-sacrifice and sometimes martyrdom for a greater good.

Each of us are given talents or gifts to use wisely as stewards of what God has entrusted to us.  In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus tells a parable about a man going on a journey who left property in the care of three servants. He gave to one 5 talents (each talent was worth more than 15 years’ wages of a laborer), to another two, to another one, each according to his ability. When the man returned from his journey, the first two servants had doubled the money entrusted to them but the third servant buried his talent in the ground. The only servant who was chastised was the one who did nothing with what was given to him.

We all have different talents given to us according to our ability.  No one is exempt.  Medicine and writing are the two talents given to me that I am aware of.  Maybe there are more that I have buried deep inside myself that I have never used.  Both of my talents are God-enhanced especially my writing.  I don’t know what I will write for my next blog post until I write it. There is no plan, it just comes to me at the right moment.  This is not me but God. He puts the ideas in my heart and I put them on paper.  We are co-creators and through this process I feel closer to God than ever before.  But I haven’t relinquished all of myself to God yet.  Little by little, layer by layer, resistance falls away.  It’s like an onion being peeled.  When I let go of external pressures and open myself to God, I then understand the joy and peace Paul speaks of in the letter to the Philippians.  But when I grasp onto myself and my needs again, then worry overwhelms me.  I move back and forth between dependence on God and dependence on myself.  But I can see that bit by bit I am changing.  God is patient with me.  Like a good parent, He lets me fall to teach me lessons.  He doesn’t protect me from life but stands by me through it. I need more than a lifetime to let Him peel the layers of self-protection and self-centeredness away to reveal the person He sees that I can be.  I imagine that a good portion of this happens in heaven after I die.  It seems that we are all at different stages when we go from here.  But eventually He will perfect us.  It won’t be by our power but by His. However, we have to allow the transformation.  We can’t hold on to being our own god for this to happen.  Self-confidence must be converted to God-confidence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Perfectly Known & Infinitely Significant

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During the height of the civil war in Liberia, my friend Shadrach and his sister, Mary fled over the border into the Ivory Coast to avoid the fighting. They were seeking refuge and a place to be able to finish their high school education.  The school they had attended at the Firestone Rubber Plantation was closed.  All the American businesses had left the country.  Their father’s source of income as a supervisor at Firestone was gone. Their only hope was an Operation Classroom school in Danane, Ivory Coast run by Methodist missionaries, Herbert and Mary Zigbuo.  They traveled there while in great danger as refugees. The Zigbuo’s took them in, treating them as their own children.  They were able to finish their high school education and met the Wagner’s from Indiana who were instrumental in both Shadrach and Mary eventually coming to the US for their college degrees.

It would have been easy for them to feel forgotten by God when running for their lives away from the gunfire and the bombings.  They were two of thousands of refugees leaving Liberia. At that time they did not know if the rest of their family were dead or alive.  Prayer was a part of their daily lives.  Their faith in a God who delivers was the only stability in a world that was crumbling around them. Little did Shadrach and Mary know then that God did see their plight and was setting circumstances up for their escape.  God knew them intimately as He knows each of us even before we were born.  A beautiful passage from Psalm 139 describes how we are known by God.

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.  You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me…”

It is wonderful to realize we are intimately known in this way but it’s also a little scary.  God knows everything about me-EVERYTHING.  He knows not just the good and bad things I’ve done but He knows all my thoughts.  There is nothing I can hide from Him. No where I can go to escape Him.  This would be very scary if not for Grace.  God knows me better than I know myself yet He still loves me enough to sacrifice Himself so I can live with Him forever!

When Jesus was here in earthly form, He demonstrated on many occasions that He had the ability to know the thoughts and character of the people around Him.  After His baptism by John the Baptist, He called several to follow Him.  One of these soon to be disciples was Nathanael.  When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, He said of him, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.”  Nathanael asked, “How do you know me?”  Jesus answered, “I saw you while you were under the fig tree before Philip called you.” Nathanael was astonished that Jesus saw him and knew him before they had even met while he sat unaware under a fig tree.

Jesus sees us and knows us too in life’s ordinary situations long before we have ever met Him. God’s Prevenient Grace finds us under our own fig tree.  He seeks us and invites us to follow Him as Jesus invited His disciples long ago. He finds us in the mundane things of life. We might be washing the dishes or driving our kids to a ball game.  He finds us and comforts us in desperate times as He did with Shadrach and Mary when they were running for their lives.  They may have been discouraged and afraid but they never lost faith in the One who saves. Most of us will never experience the terror of a civil war but Jesus knows us and seeks us right where we are. He sees who we are but He also knows who we could become.  Shadrach was just another refugee but Jesus knew he could become a doctor and be a leader and example of hope for his people. As we ponder the magnitude of the world we live in, we may feel that we are insignificant. But in Jesus’ eyes, be assured that we are perfectly known and infinitely significant.

Nothing is Wasted

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Life is full of ups and downs, victories and defeats.  We tend to thank God for the blessings of our mountain tops but see our valley experiences as meaningless. But nothing is ever wasted in God’s economy. My cousin, Mona posted a comment by Anne Kubinsky of lookforthegoodproject.org on Facebook recently that spoke to this truth.

“I know people who feel like they’ve wasted years of their lives because of poor choices.  They spent years in a relationship that was toxic, years with an addiction, years at a job where they weren’t fulfilled.  But you have to realize, nothing you have been through is ever wasted. Your past experiences, good and bad have deposited something on the inside of you.  Those challenges have sharpened you, to make you who you are today.”

As I look back over my life, I see all the pieces coming together to make me who I am.  If I am honest, the sad times have had a greater impact since they knocked me off my pedestal and gave me a better perspective of the world around me.  My life was very dark when I lost my youngest sister, Gaynelle when she was almost 5 years old.  Her death gave me first hand experience of the heaviness that sits on your heart during grief and how it can resurface out of the blue years later.  Something rekindles a memory and it all floods back for a moment.  It could be a familiar smell or a scene from the past. I’m suddenly immersed in the same feelings again.  But it only lasts a moment.  I’ve learned to live a new “normal” years ago.  However, having experienced this I know when I come across a person who has lost someone they love dearly, I have a sense of what they are going through.  When you love someone deeply, you always miss them no matter how many years have passed. It’s just the way it is. Recognizing this fact and just “being” with another grieving soul can help more than anything.  It doesn’t change the situation but there is nothing much worse than grieving alone.  Those of us who have experienced grief are best able to help those going through it now. Grief was a challenge that sharpened me, reshaping me into who I am today.

My life has had a few big challenges like the death of my sister and a myriad of little ones. A few years back I had the unfortunate inconvenience of breaking two bones in my left leg while dirt bike riding with my husband.  It’s a long story but suffice it to say I felt foolish not having on proper boots that probably would have prevented the fractures.  In the end I needed a titanium rod in my tibia and a plate and screws in my ankle.  This slowed me down a bit.  I discovered what it is like to have difficulty raising my leg over the edge of the tub to shower.  I found that PT can be extremely painful but absolutely necessary to regain function.  I noticed how few shopping places have benches to sit down when I was worn out using crutches.  I have a whole different perspective on physical disabilities that I would never had known if I hadn’t gone through this experience.  My leg is essentially back to normal.  I don’t have a permanent disability as many people do.  But I have a new appreciation for what they go through every day.  A place saying it is “handicap accessible” doesn’t guarantee accessibility.  Little things are difficult when a person is disabled that most of us take for granted. Through this experience I can better guide my patients when they are going through a similar injury.  I think it gives them hope that my ankle is doing great now.

I wouldn’t wish for any of these trials if I had the choice. I would do just about anything to have my sister back. But I can’t.  I hold on to the hope that I will see her again and I know that Jesus is taking good care of her now.  But I did have a choice as to whether I would let the trials make me bitter or whether I would let God use them for good.  Over and over again I have seen good come after great tragedies.  The tragedies are not minimized but the survivors didn’t let themselves be defeated by them.  They chose to make a difference for others often in honor of those who didn’t survive.  All the loving actions that have come after the Sandy Hook shooting are a good example of this.  Evil has been quenched by love because the families chose to use their grief for good, not bitterness.  Nothing is wasted when we allow God to use our tragedies to remold us into people of light.  The apostle John gives us hope in the midst of these trials. “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.”

Speak Life

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In December, Tim and I had the opportunity to see Toby Mac in concert with two of our good friends, Kamia and Gary.  It was such a great evening listening to his band plus Mandisa, Brandon Heath and several other Christian music artists.  Toby Mac doesn’t perform your typical Christian music style since he tends to sing more hip hop and rap.  Nevertheless, his lyrics are deep and meaningful when you spend the time to listen to his message. One of his songs, “Speak Life”  particularly hits home with me. Hear his words…

“Lift your head a little higher, Spread the love like fire, Hope will fall like rain, When you speak life with the words you say.”

“Raise your thoughts a little higher, Use your words to inspire, Trouble falls like rain, When you speak life with the things you say.”

Words are powerful.  People are lifted up or torn down with words.  As kids we used to chant, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”  We all knew in our hearts that this wasn’t true.  Did we say it with the thought that somehow we could push away the pain inflicted by words? Jesus’ brother James compares the tongue to a fire. “How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!”  Angry, hurtful words can destroy lives quicker than a forest fire.  But the converse is also true. Words used to inspire can set a life on fire for good. Even a few encouraging words can change the trajectory of a life forever.

My desire is to speak life affirming words but it’s so easy for words to spill out of my mouth without thought.  When I write I can edit my words numerous times before I publish them.  But when I speak, my editor often doesn’t catch the words before they are out.  Trying to take words back after they are spoken is like trying to put feathers back in a pillow once they are scattered to the wind. It is impossible.

Unfortunately it is often the people I know best that I have the most trouble giving these words of life.  We have too much history together.  I am sure when Peter asked Jesus how often we are to forgive, he wasn’t talking about forgiving strangers. A stranger wouldn’t often have the opportunity to wrong us more than once or twice.  If at all possible, we would stay away from them before they could wrong us again.  However, a family member has the opportunity to wrong us seven times seventy.  We are asked to forgive them every time. When we have a shared history of one wrong after another, it’s difficult to give them words of encouragement.  But in reality, these are the people who need them the most.

Speaking the truth in love can be one of the most arduous tasks.  How do you diplomatically relay that you don’t appreciate a family member’s behavior but you still love them?  We’re pretty good at accomplishing this with our kids but what if we need to have this conversation with one of the adults in our wider family circle?  I’ll admit that most times I chicken out. I’ll try to ignore the behavior or act like it didn’t happen but fume inside.  If I fume too long, then I blow up.  On the other hand, when I have taken the initiative to talk calmly with that person or if I have sat down and wrote to them how I felt, there was initial anger and denial on their part but in the long run the behavior lessened.  Our relationship was improved. But I had to continue showing them in other ways that I loved them.  In that manner, they could see that I did truly care enough to be honest with them and to stay in relationship with them.

Real love speaks life by expressing truth yet all the while affirming the worth of the person. The opposite of love is not hate.  It is indifference. I pray for the wisdom to know when and how to speak the tough words in love so that I may remain engaged in the difficult relationships in my life and not indifferent.

Fear Not

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This past week has been quite a struggle digging out from the “polar vortex” that hit the eastern half of the US leaving huge piles of snow and our roads impassable.  The schools have been closed for 5 days.  We haven’t seen any winter weather this prolonged since the Blizzard of ’78 which has taken on legendary significance in this area of Indiana.  We have all had our fair share of anxiety, worrying about whether we would lose power during the snowstorm or worrying about navigating the snow clogged roads for days after the storm.  This worry became extreme as people cleaned out the grocery shelves when meteorologists warned us of this impending snow.  Really Indianapolis, how many loaves of bread do you need for a few snowbound days?  We can chuckle about it now, but fear, real or perceived, can be overwhelming.

Over and over in the Bible in both the Old and New Testaments, we read “Fear Not.”  Jesus strongly warned against worrying saying that our present day has worry enough for itself.  If God cares for the lilies in the field and the birds of the air, He will care for us even more.  We read this but it’s difficult to live it.  There is a big difference between real fear and perceived fear but often we treat them as one and the same.  Real fear is the response to the crisis situation right in front of us in the present.  This kind of fear motivates us to act for self-preservation.  It is the “fight or flight” response that is hard-wired in all of us.  We need this to get us out or through a real crisis. Perceived fear is worry or anxiety.  This is the fear of “What If’s”.  This kind of fear can range from mild concern to severe anxiety that paralyzes, keeping the individual from being able to function or even leave home. Worry can literally rob us of joy and can keep us from living our lives fully. As a Family Physician, I have personally seen a large increase in anxiety since 9/11 and the advent of 24/7 news coverage.  We are inundated with information about every disaster around the world and it can be too much for many people.  I have literally had to tell patients to turn off the news because they cannot walk away from it and it is causing overwhelming anxiety.  I’m not in any way saying that we should not have empathy for those people going through a crisis but we don’t have to ingest every detail. We are in an age of information overload and we all need to be cautious of how much we expose ourselves.

When turning off the constant negative information is not enough, what do we do to overcome debilitating anxiety?  Talking to another about our fears can be very helpful.  Many times just knowing that others are going through the same thing we are can be tremendously calming.  Seek professional counseling to work through your anxiety.  If indicated, use medication prescribed by your doctor to alleviate severe symptoms.  Avoid addictive medications as much as possible since these can trade one problem for another. Avoid self medicating with alcohol for the same reasons.  Throughout this whole process, pray for strength.  As much as possible, turn your worries over to Jesus.  One of my favorite Bible passages speaks to this in Philippians chapter 4, “Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  When you realize that Paul wrote this from a jail cell, it adds extra significance.  How could he rejoice while imprisoned?  How could he have peace of mind when he was about to be executed?  I believe Paul must have seen opportunity in his circumstance to preach the gospel to his jailers. Also he was not rooted in this world but had his sights on heaven and eternity.  He was fully aware of the presence of Christ who walked with him through all his trials right to the end.  He was not spared from suffering but he was moved through it by the Lord.

So how can we not worry when we know that bad things happen to good people?  Suffering is a reality. Life is full of it. However, the fact is that the great majority of our worries will never happen. If we truly are honest, we see this in our lives when we look back.  Our worries did not change a thing, they just caused unnecessary internal suffering.  We don’t know the future but God does and this can be reassuring that no matter what happens in the in-between, all will work out for good in the end.  We are not abandoned when we do go through suffering and we all will suffer no matter who you are.  In Psalm 23, King David acknowledges God’s promise when he wrote, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”  Notice that he doesn’t say “if” or “when” I walk through the darkest valley. David wrote in present tense.  He was experiencing God’s presence in his own dark valley at the time he was writing this psalm.

So use fear in a healthy way to prepare for or avoid harmful circumstances if you can but don’t get caught in the trap of obsessive worry. Jesus wants us to live life to its fullest, abundantly.  Worry holds us back from fully realizing this abundance and keeps us from being the person we were created to be.  Fear not. Remember God is in control and holds each of us in the palm of His hand.  We can count on it.

 

 

 

The Art of Letting Go

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For Christmas, my husband Tim received several nice sweaters and fleeces but he really has no room to fit these new things in his closet.  It really needs to be cleaned out but I’m not touching it.  He has some crazy looking sweaters in there that he can’t part with that I’m sure are from the 1980’s.  If I pulled them out of the closet and sent them to Goodwill or Red Bird Mission, I would be in trouble.  I will leave Fibber McGee’s closet alone for Tim to deal with when he’s ready.

The new year is a good time to sort through the items that we’re not using and give them to someone who needs them.  But many of us are hesitant to do so.  We think we just might use them someday or we have memories attached to the items that make it difficult to let go. We really need to clean out the clutter but we can’t or more correctly, won’t do it.

There is an art to letting go whether it be an item, an emotion or a bad memory.  We often hang on with tight fists even though the weight of them is dragging us down.  They are the baggage we carry with us through life. As we grow older, the baggage becomes heavier and unbearable if we won’t set some of it down.  The baggage becomes so much a part of us that it is frightening to be without it even when Jesus offers to take it for us.  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Most of us are attempting to carry our burdens alone.  If you join together with Jesus, as a team yoked together, He carries the greatest part of the burden.  Our part becomes much lighter.

Several years ago when I attended my Walk to Emmaus week-end as a “pilgrim”, my table was creating a skit to help describe what the grace of God really means.  I was elected to be Jesus in the skit and was garbed in one of our bed sheets as my costume.  The others in my group were supposed to give me their baggage.  We had our duffle bags labeled with various burdens:  Pain, Unforgiveness, Anger, Grief, to name a few. All went well until the last woman would not give me her bag.  The skit became too real for her since she carried heavy baggage of shame since she was a child.  I said everything I could think of to convince her to give me her bag.  We had agreed earlier that as Jesus I could not just take the bag from the others in the skit but they would need to freely give them to me.  Finally after what seemed like an eternity up in front of 90 other women on the Walk, she tearfully handed me her bag.  It was an emotionally powerful moment and I hope a turning point for her.  She had hung on to shame for so long that she defined herself by it.  I have not seen her since that week-end came to an end but I pray that she has been able to leave her baggage with Jesus for good.

What clutter do you need to clean out of your closet? What baggage to do you need to hand over to Jesus? As stated in the book of Hebrews, “…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…”  Baggage such as unforgiveness and unresolved anger poisons our souls and sucks the joy right out of our lives.  Only by focusing on Jesus and handing over these burdens to Him, can we truly find the peace that transcends all understanding.