We all hold in our hearts the vision of a perfect Christmas.  Whether you call it Christmas or not, there is within us this longing for a gathering of our loved ones to share a meal together and connect with each other in a deep, meaningful way.  In this vision, the house is decorated perfectly.  All the food is delicious.  And every gift is just what each person wanted.

The problem is that this is not reality. We overcook the turkey.  The dog vomits on the living room floor right before our guests arrive.  Our aunt who always causes trouble at every get-together is at it again.  And there is someone missing from the table.  Our heart aches for them while we’re trying our best to be merry.

Christmas can be the saddest season of the year.

It is statistically true and I have seen it in my practice of medicine, that symptoms of depression are highest this time of year.  All our losses and heart aches come to a culmination when we recognize that we can’t have this ideal Christmas.  We somehow think that everyone but us has it all together which couldn’t be further from the truth. Everyone has losses no matter who you are.  And everyone can suffer from depression.

Recognition of this fact is very important.  Otherwise we think we are the only ones feeling this way so we hide it.  We think that if somehow we act happy, we will be.  This can only last so long until we crash and burn.  If we are able to see that we are one in many who suffer with depression, then we will be able to ask for help.  No one can help someone if they don’t see that they need it.

When recognition of the problem happens, then help needs to be multi-disciplinary.  Depression is not “fixed” by pulling yourself up by the boot straps or if you have enough faith to pray yourself out of it.  Prayer needs to be a part of the treatment but not the whole of it.  Seek professional counseling in whatever way you feel comfortable.  Find a counselor that you can connect with and tell them about what is happening in your life.  When a burden is shared, it becomes lighter.  The problems are still there but you now have an advocate to help you navigate through them.

Use medication when it is warranted.  There is a biochemical component of depression.  Sometimes even with the best of counseling, medication is needed to balance these biochemicals.  In the depths of depression, a person can barely function.  Medication can help the symptoms of depression resolve more quickly so a person can get back to their normal daily activities. A therapist working together with a physician well versed in the use of antidepressants is a great team of support.  However, it is good to be aware that sometimes medication can make symptoms worse in some individuals.  I always counsel my patients to call me or their therapist right away if they are worsening or feel suicidal.  In this situation, they must stop their medication immediately and be seen in crisis counseling.

Unfortunately, even with the best of treatment and support, there are those people who do go on to commit suicide.  This is devastating to family and friends as well as the therapist and physicians who have tried to help.  There is so much more we have to learn about depression and its treatment.  Reality is that at times we fail to treat it.

Many years ago my cousin, John committed suicide after prolonged treatment for depression.  During his funeral, his pastor described depression in a way I have never forgotten.  He said that depression is like a very thick fog surrounding the person.  They can’t see anyone else through this fog but themselves.  Because they are so alone, they see their situation as hopeless. Suicide then becomes their best option.

Let us reach out to those we see hurting and depressed.  We must give them hope so suicide isn’t their best option out.  If you are that person suffering with depression, tell someone about it so you can get help.  I have had to do this myself during some of the stormy times in my life.  I am thankful for a wonderful therapist and medication to get me through that hard place.  I am on the other side of it due to this and support from my family and the Lord who walked with me through it all.  God has given us the skills and knowledge to help each other through the struggles of mental illness.  Just like any other illness though, we must be willing to ask for help to be healed.